New Challenges

This week was a tough challenge. I facilitated a team of 15 for a week long event. This required lots of prep work and the week itself tends to be rather exhausting. It's kind of like going through finals in college, you are focused on meeting the goal and getting through the challenge and everything else is secondary. I still had time to play with Daniel, but I slept upstairs so I wouldn't be up all night dealing with the diapers, feeding, crying, etc, (Which is what Lindsay does). On Wednesday morning my grandmother (and last surviving grandparent) passed away. It was a tough decision, but I decided to stay at the work event as long as I could then fly directly to the funeral in Miami. Fortunately, I was able to get a great deal done by the time I left Thursday evening.

The responsibility on a working father is to provide support (think Maslow's hierarchy)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs. First in the form of the basics, food, water and shelter, then emotional support and leadership. In this case, I was only able to provide the former. The challenge of Lindsay's sleep deprivation, combined with my lack of involvement (due to my work obligations and the fact that I technically can't feed him), would be enough to send most new mom's into a frenzy. Add in the fact that I had to leave town for three days unexpectedly and I now have a great deal of making up to do. I have spent no less than two hours a day talking to Linds on the phone (this does not count as making up) and during that time I have made a series of promises.

1: I will put up the Christmas tree the day I get back (It's 12ft tall and 200 pds).
2: I wrote a song for Lindsay on the flight to Miami. I promised to play this song for her in it's entirety within a day of my return.
3: Dinner. I am cooking dinner the night I return.
4: Chores....enough said.
5: Christmas songs, I will learn and play a few standards (I have a loose timeline on this one).

I do feel like I'm having to make up for things beyond my control, but maybe that's the part of the hierarchy that's missing. I have obligations and responsibilities to many people and trying to live up to those responsibilities is part of a father's responsibility. By the way, one of the things I miss the most is the smell of my boy. He can be so cute when he hold his head up and looks around. He also has a lot of willpower and a powerful set of lungs. No less than half of the time spent on the phone calls has consisted of both of us listening to him relate his discomfort for what feels like hours. After a few minutes of silence I end the call only to receive text messages and phone calls to let me know it was a false alarm.

This is exhausting....