The Ever-changing Priorities of a Father
I am once again sharing a cramped backseat with my son. His new carseat seemed like such a good idea when we were preparing for our first roadtrip, but now I realize that it’s a great deal bigger than his old seat. I am counting my blessings because the added comfort has presumably assisted in helping him to drift off.
It’s hard to put things in perspective, but having a toddler fall asleep requires a sound strategy with timely execution. A few weeks ago we had picked our seats on the plane and we were entering our payment information when we stopped to discuss the logistics of the trip. “We will have to drive almost 2 hours to the airport and the tickets will total nearly 400 bucks”. It was at this time that the idea crept in. Sometimes frugality can disguise itself as innovation and you end up with saying the equivalent of “Yes, I know its round and it works, but if we can just invent a cheaper wheel think of the 4 dollars we can save”. It was settled, we would turn this into a good experience by visiting a friend that lives at the halfway mark between Ringgold, GA and Miami, FL. “Yes he’s an hour out of the way but that’s not that big of a deal; Ok maybe that’s two more hours on our trip but we’re a family and we are going to have a good time together or so help me!”
We planned to leave after work because we had learned that toddlers tend to travel better (sleep longer) when the roadtrips take place during the night. As of about an hour ago, this has held true. One good thing about this kid sofa is that it reclines and he seems to sleep a bit better. Fortunately when asked “Which one do you like honey, the cheap and affordable ‘no frills’ model or the baby seal skin car lounger complete with comfort padding, cup holder and a built in shiatsu massager for the long and hard days at the grandparents”, I deferred the decision back to her. She opted for the latter and had the new seat installed the next day.
Ahhh, I love it when planning pays off. While writing this I decided to take a nap (it’s about 10pm). I closed my laptop then my eyes and leaned back and thought, “I never get to sleep on road trips, I’m always navigating or driving”. But perhaps giving up the reins and relaxing is long overdue. It was about this time that Daniel woke up to find himself strapped into a seat. He was unhappy, very unhappy. Picture the scene in every King Kong movie where Kong is in chains and pulls and tugs on them with a look of confusion. His eyes seem to read “why are you doing this”, which is followed by the look that I see now “I will make you sorry for doing this”. Kong destroys New York, Daniel destroys our sanity. He roars and he howls endlessly. Initially I rubbed his hand and tried to coax him back to sleep and this was similar to when Kong’s love interest asking him to “not hurt anyone” or to “leave the city” in that both were seen as incongruent and meaningless meanderings. After about 30 minutes I realized he wasn’t going back to sleep. I pieced together the portable DVD player and began playing the Curious George movie. Instantly he was mesmerized, entertained and as a side effect, silent. This lasted for about 45 minutes at which point he began acting unruly. We take a deep breath and stare at the GPS double checking the distance to drive while hoping, wishing and praying that it has somehow miscalculated the arrival time and that we do not in fact have about 2 more hours to reach our destination. Tom Tom has not miscalculated our arrival time. We did not know that after getting off the interstate we would be going through 60 miles of roads with a 35 to 45 mph speed limit. A watched pot never boils and we watched intensely. When I called my friend Scott at 1 am in the morning to tell him we were 5 miles away he asked me “what is that loud noise”. I told him that my son was anxious to meet him.
I suppose that when you think about it, Kong, Curious George and my son are quite similar in that they are instinctual. They are curious and brave yet below the surface they are somewhat insecure. When a situation occurs that renders surprise without reassurance, they react out of fear. Jane (I can’t honestly recall the name of Kong’s love interest), the man with the yellow hat and Mommy (Lindsay) all represent a proverbial sanctuary of safety and security amidst a world of confusion and chaos. Is it any wonder that when I wake Daniel up in the morning he looks around with one eye open until he sees Lindsay at which point he fearlessly attempts to jump from my arms towards her. There is no fear of falling, only the fear that she will walk away without him. When they embrace at the start of each day the world slows for a nano second and in that moment, they are complete. I watch from a few feet away and while witnessing their happiness, I feel as though I have, at least to some extent, fulfilled my purpose. When it was just Lindsay and myself, I felt as though my primary responsibilities revolved around keeping her happy and making sure that she felt emotionally and financially secure. When I became a father, it was as if I became more primitive. I felt as though their security and safety were my primary objective and if I happened to make them happy in the process, better yet. I feel as though I have escalated up a basic, family version of Maslow’s Hierarchy.
While Lindsay patiently plays and nurtures Daniel, I watch from a distance much like Bambi’s father did in the infamous Disney movie. Where I was once indifferent on decisions I am now decisive and determined. I believe that once you truly know and understand your core principles, decisions become more clear cut. We are invited to a get together that is 4 hours away. After a few days I tell Lindsay that we will not attend because it’s a 2 hour event with a drive that’s four hours one way and our weekend would be shot for a relatively small payoff. A few days later I tell her that we will drive 13 hours one way to Miami to spend a week with Family. I have to use a week of vacation and we told them we couldn’t come this time last year because he was too young to travel, now is the time to fulfill our obligation.
I think about my mindset as I made that statement. I hold onto it, renew belief in it and agree with it. I do not do this just because a leader must stand by his decisions, but also because it adds purpose to the pain and thus makes it much easier to bear his long, loud, emotional and high pitched screaming tantrums.
