The Ever-changing Priorities of a Father

The Ever-changing Priorities of a Father

I am once again sharing a cramped backseat with my son. His new carseat seemed like such a good idea when we were preparing for our first roadtrip, but now I realize that it’s a great deal bigger than his old seat. I am counting my blessings because the added comfort has presumably assisted in helping him to drift off.
It’s hard to put things in perspective, but having a toddler fall asleep requires a sound strategy with timely execution. A few weeks ago we had picked our seats on the plane and we were entering our payment information when we stopped to discuss the logistics of the trip. “We will have to drive almost 2 hours to the airport and the tickets will total nearly 400 bucks”. It was at this time that the idea crept in. Sometimes frugality can disguise itself as innovation and you end up with saying the equivalent of “Yes, I know its round and it works, but if we can just invent a cheaper wheel think of the 4 dollars we can save”. It was settled, we would turn this into a good experience by visiting a friend that lives at the halfway mark between Ringgold, GA and Miami, FL. “Yes he’s an hour out of the way but that’s not that big of a deal; Ok maybe that’s two more hours on our trip but we’re a family and we are going to have a good time together or so help me!”

We planned to leave after work because we had learned that toddlers tend to travel better (sleep longer) when the roadtrips take place during the night. As of about an hour ago, this has held true. One good thing about this kid sofa is that it reclines and he seems to sleep a bit better. Fortunately when asked “Which one do you like honey, the cheap and affordable ‘no frills’ model or the baby seal skin car lounger complete with comfort padding, cup holder and a built in shiatsu massager for the long and hard days at the grandparents”, I deferred the decision back to her. She opted for the latter and had the new seat installed the next day.
Ahhh, I love it when planning pays off. While writing this I decided to take a nap (it’s about 10pm). I closed my laptop then my eyes and leaned back and thought, “I never get to sleep on road trips, I’m always navigating or driving”. But perhaps giving up the reins and relaxing is long overdue. It was about this time that Daniel woke up to find himself strapped into a seat. He was unhappy, very unhappy. Picture the scene in every King Kong movie where Kong is in chains and pulls and tugs on them with a look of confusion. His eyes seem to read “why are you doing this”, which is followed by the look that I see now “I will make you sorry for doing this”. Kong destroys New York, Daniel destroys our sanity. He roars and he howls endlessly. Initially I rubbed his hand and tried to coax him back to sleep and this was similar to when Kong’s love interest asking him to “not hurt anyone” or to “leave the city” in that both were seen as incongruent and meaningless meanderings. After about 30 minutes I realized he wasn’t going back to sleep. I pieced together the portable DVD player and began playing the Curious George movie. Instantly he was mesmerized, entertained and as a side effect, silent. This lasted for about 45 minutes at which point he began acting unruly. We take a deep breath and stare at the GPS double checking the distance to drive while hoping, wishing and praying that it has somehow miscalculated the arrival time and that we do not in fact have about 2 more hours to reach our destination. Tom Tom has not miscalculated our arrival time. We did not know that after getting off the interstate we would be going through 60 miles of roads with a 35 to 45 mph speed limit. A watched pot never boils and we watched intensely. When I called my friend Scott at 1 am in the morning to tell him we were 5 miles away he asked me “what is that loud noise”. I told him that my son was anxious to meet him.

I suppose that when you think about it, Kong, Curious George and my son are quite similar in that they are instinctual. They are curious and brave yet below the surface they are somewhat insecure. When a situation occurs that renders surprise without reassurance, they react out of fear. Jane (I can’t honestly recall the name of Kong’s love interest), the man with the yellow hat and Mommy (Lindsay) all represent a proverbial sanctuary of safety and security amidst a world of confusion and chaos. Is it any wonder that when I wake Daniel up in the morning he looks around with one eye open until he sees Lindsay at which point he fearlessly attempts to jump from my arms towards her. There is no fear of falling, only the fear that she will walk away without him. When they embrace at the start of each day the world slows for a nano second and in that moment, they are complete. I watch from a few feet away and while witnessing their happiness, I feel as though I have, at least to some extent, fulfilled my purpose. When it was just Lindsay and myself, I felt as though my primary responsibilities revolved around keeping her happy and making sure that she felt emotionally and financially secure. When I became a father, it was as if I became more primitive. I felt as though their security and safety were my primary objective and if I happened to make them happy in the process, better yet. I feel as though I have escalated up a basic, family version of Maslow’s Hierarchy.

While Lindsay patiently plays and nurtures Daniel, I watch from a distance much like Bambi’s father did in the infamous Disney movie. Where I was once indifferent on decisions I am now decisive and determined. I believe that once you truly know and understand your core principles, decisions become more clear cut. We are invited to a get together that is 4 hours away. After a few days I tell Lindsay that we will not attend because it’s a 2 hour event with a drive that’s four hours one way and our weekend would be shot for a relatively small payoff. A few days later I tell her that we will drive 13 hours one way to Miami to spend a week with Family. I have to use a week of vacation and we told them we couldn’t come this time last year because he was too young to travel, now is the time to fulfill our obligation.
I think about my mindset as I made that statement. I hold onto it, renew belief in it and agree with it. I do not do this just because a leader must stand by his decisions, but also because it adds purpose to the pain and thus makes it much easier to bear his long, loud, emotional and high pitched screaming tantrums.

The One Year Milestone

Wow!, One year, can you believe it's been that long, because I can. Seems like years since we slept in or had an evening at the house without the conversation topic being focused on diapers, baby food or whether we had packed his bag for tomorrow's trip to the grandparent's place.

Daniel started walking a few weeks ago, but now he doesn't really need a parent to coax him. He sees what he wants, pulls up and does his step-step then balance act. His favorite shows include baby Einstein, baby genius (can you catch the marketing trend here?), curious George and Sid the science kid. He sits or stands in his pack and play and watches memorized as George gets in another mess. Based on the cost of cleaning George's messes, I can only imagine that the man in the yellow hat is quite weatlthy, patient and forgetful. He seems to just trust that 'this time' George will stay out of trouble.

We recieved all sorts of toys at the birthday party with one common theme. They are all so very loud, bright and battery powered that an epilectic would cringe at the thought of allowing any one of these in their house. Daniel however seems amused, entertained and truly passionate about breaking each and every toy.

The Baby Equation

Fitness has always played a big part in our lives. I once read an article stating that 70% of people cited "having children" as the point in which they no longer made an effort to stay fit. I can now relate. Instead of using Daniel as an excuse to sleep in or go to bead early, he has turned into my motivation to try even harder. This month I've done two triathlons and a 5 k and best of all Daniel has helped me train. Heloves being outdoors so I use my bike to pull him along in his buggy. The hills and the added resistance have made me a stronger biker. When I jog, I often take him and the dogs with me. It's a win-win for everyone. I ran a 5k last week while pushing his stroller and still managed to finish in 25 minutes (3rd place for my age group). That's not great, but not bad either. knowing that what we do and how we live will be the example he lives by (or rebels against) is a big responsibility. I look forward to the new challenges that age and time place upon us forcing us to be innovative in our search to maintain a balanced lifestyle.

At the request of our allergist, Daniel starred in his first commercial last week. My understanding is that it will be aired during "Sid the Science Kid" on PBS soon.

9 months and going strong!!

Wow, time really does go by fast once you have children. DAniel can and will eat pretty much anything at this point; cherries, waffles, grapes, dog hair, curtains....

He is a lightning fast crawler and it seems like he is naturally drawn to the objects which are most destructable. The grandparents help Linds and I keep our sanity.

We have passed the 6 Month Milestone

Small Victories

Small Victories

As a new parent you find joy in the small victories. After your baby is delivered they tell you that if he goes 48 hours without poo-ing, it could lead to complications such as jaundice. Even now (at over 6 months), it is common to overhear the grandparents discussing Daniel’s defecation schedule with Lindsay. “Wow twice today…..that is so awesome, he didn’t go at all yesterday and I hardly slept a wink last night”. The first time he rolled onto his back, Lindsay had briefly walked off and returned to see him stuck looking at the ceiling. Rolling from his back to his stomach seemed like a much bigger feat when it finally happened. It requires a twisting motion followed by one foot pushing from a support basis (usually the floor). This is where you have to start paying attention. The days of laying him on the bed and walking off are over. He can roll indefinitely or at least until a large object prohibits it. An example of this would be the wall of his play-pen. The screen will catch him half roll and he will stare at me with wonder while in a frozen-like state before reversing his roll and then repeating the whole thing. This is the evolution of development. Once we adapt to the hazards characteristic to a given stage of development, he adapts new abilities which lead to new hazards. I believe this last through adulthood until eventually your child negotiates their place in your will with the understanding that you will eventually be placed in a good nursing home, (one that has happy hour, gambling, and season passes to the state’s big college team).

Yesterday Daniel’s first tooth started to come through his bottom gum. Since he was 2 months old everyone thought he was teething. His general process for all things within reaching distance went something like this:
1: I see an object and focus my eyes on it. This could be anything from mommy’s hair, a dirty diaper or my Blackberry.
2: When they least expect it I will quickly reach forward and grasp it.
3: Once I have grasped it they will try to take it away from me, but I will never let go. There are snapping turtles who would blush at the sheer determination and willpower of a babies grip.
4: Once I have secured the item I must put it in my mouth. It just feels so right, so natural, I just belongs there.
5: Once it’s in my mouth my drooling glands kick into hyperdrive and I coat the item in a ‘protective’ layer of slime.
6: With the object of my affection now safely coated I return it to nature with a quick toss. The drool provides the item with an organic lubrication which will allow it to easily slide across the floor and thus gather every possible germ within a 10 ft radius.
7: Look for a new item.

As it turns out, life is really a series of small victories. We may recall the major victories more fondly or frequently, but rarely is the case that these moments aren’t comprised of several smaller achievements that were completed with the end in mind, e.g. your graduation ceremony versus all the exams leading up to it. I can’t say that I’m overly anxious for him to start walking. Initially I wanted him to start walking as soon as possible, but I really don’t know that there is any benefit to that mindset. I try to be the parent that you set out to be before you have children, supportive and nurturing yet structured. Growing up, it always seemed like everyone knew someone who had a parent like this; the kind of parent who bought their child the new album by their favorite band even though the music itself was garbage. Lindsay’s childhood experience was more along these lines where as mine was more focused on structure. Perhaps between the two of us we can manage to provide an environment which promotes individuality based on the principles we value, an environment that we can look back on and be proud of, an environment that that promoted, celebrated and cherished each small victory.

New Foods

We started with rice cereal (mixed with Milk), then added a new food each week, Sweet potato, oatmeal, peas then avacado. The last month has been an absolute blast. He laughs constantly and when you hear him giggle, it's like a drug, you just want more.

Daniel is sleeping through the night. He goes to bed about 8:45 and sleeps until after 7:00. It's a beautiful thing....

Having a basic schedule / routine for food and naps has paid off immensly. What once seemed so chaotic now seems more like daily life.

We are immensly grateful to be so close (demographically) to the grandparents as they have aleviated a great deal of stress regarding work / life balance.

Third Month